Stephen Moore

Abolishing Bathtubs

Not a giant leap.

Mr. Moore is president of the Club for Growth

June 28, 2001 8:25 a.m.
 
Daschle & Kennedy Call for Abolition of Bathtubs Washington, D.C.
(CNN) — In the wake of the tragic and horrifying drowning of five
children by their mother Andrea Yates in the bathtub of their Houston
home, Democratic Senators Tom Daschle and Ted Kennedy have called for
making home bath tubs illegal. "How many children have to die before
we accept the fact that bath tubs are a major cause of death in the
home," Kennedy said. He cited Consumer Product Safety Commission data
which confirms that bathtubs are now one of the 5 leading causes of
home accidental deaths.
  "It may very well be that if this severely depressed mother had not
had ready access to a bathtub, these 5 innocent children might still
be alive today," Kennedy added at the somber Washington press
conference. He was surrounded by representatives from a wide range of
liberal organizations including People for the American Way,
Children's Defense Fund, and Bathtub Control, Inc.
  Daschle and Kennedy also called for an immediate doubling of
National Institute of Health funding for post-partum depression.
"We've been ignoring the cries for help of these horribly depressed
women for too long," said National Organization for Women president
Patricia Ireland. Mrs. Yates is "as much a victim as a criminal in
this sad incident," she observed. Ireland also said that this incident
only underscores the fact that America remains a "patriarchal society"
where women are forced to rear children at home "isolated" and without
"any support networks from government or the community." "This
situation where women are imprisoned at home with their children is
the worst possible kind of child-care arrangement for mother and
child."
  Mrs. Yates made her first public appearance this morning on The
Today Show. In her usual probing, but empathetic manner, Katie Couric
asked: "Mrs. Yates, after you drowned your five children, how did that
make you feel?"
  Kennedy and Daschle pledged that they would launch a series of
Senate hearings on bathtub-related deaths, and were greeted by
thunderous applause by many of the consumer-advocate groups in
attendance. People don't drown children, bathtubs do," Ralph Nader
noted. "We intend to do to bathtubs in this decade what we did to
Corvairs in the 1960s: abolish them." Marian Wright Edelman weighed in
by noting that it will do very little good to "get handguns out of the
home, if people still have access to bathtubs that are statistically
about as dangerous."
The American Trial Lawyers Association says that it will set in motion
a $6 billion class-action liability suit against the "rapacious and
irresponsible" bathtub producers for selling these "weapons of
destruction."
  Activist groups chimed in that a ban on bathtubs would have
collateral societal benefits. The Sierra Club issued a press release
noting that "bathtubs needlessly waste gallons of water every day" and
that the optimal "green policy" would be for Americans to take
showers, not baths, and preferably not every day."
Sen. Phil Gramm of Texas ridiculed the Daschle-Kennedy bill, saying:
"Rather than just ban bathtubs from homes, why not ban water and
modern plumbing."
Daschle ended the news conference by declaring: "After Andrea Yates
drowned her 5 kids in that bathtub she called 911 and confessed with
great remorse: 'I Killed My Children.' But it wasn't just this poor
tortured mother, but each and every one of us in society who were
co-conspirators in this senseless death and I will work tirelessly on
legislation to make sure that this kind of tragedy never happens
again."
Author's note: After writing this parody, I asked my research
assistant to do a search of commentaries on Ms. Yates monstrous act of
filicide. I was astonished to find that this is hardly even a parody
of the left's reaction to the murders. If you want to be especially
sickened, read Anna Quindlen's rant against society and stress in the
current  Newsweek. Her column is so over the top, at the end she is
forced to write as an afterthought: "Don't get me wrong, I'm not
making excuses, for Andrea Yates." Sure.